Empty Lipsius hallways

When I enter a space, I notice what is missing: the lack of seats symbolises the disability POTS has given me. I experience this at university.

Despite having symptoms for a few years prior, I finally received my POTS diagnosis in 2018. I started my degree later that same year. My chronic illnesses made me feel different from my fellow students. I felt like my cane and other disability aids made me stand out too much. POTS also made me feel different. During seminars, I often have to sit with my feet up to prevent me from feeling unwell. I also made the assumption that my peers didn’t have orthostatic headaches that forced them to lie down the minute they got home. Whilst the other students in a lecture presumably daydream about fun things, I found myself feeling repeatedly perplexed as to how the lecturer could stand up for so long. And the hallways made me different too. Studying at university made me realise that I view spaces differently. I only see emptiness when waiting in a corridor for the classroom to become available. There are no chairs to sit and wait. This makes me anxious. “What if I faint?” I wonder. Anxiety increases my symptoms which, in turn, increase the chance of me actually fainting. “If only I had sat downstairs and waited in the canteen”, I sometimes find myself thinking. In addition to hEDS and POTS, I am also hard of hearing. If I sit elsewhere in the building, there is a chance that I will miss out on a seat where I can hear the lecturer properly. Due to my joint problems, I am not always able to walk well, so it can sometimes take me longer to reach the classroom. Thus, it is better if I wait near the door.