The right to be somewhere

Three years went by before Ayoub heard that he was allowed to stay in the Netherlands. It took a number of replacements and painful interviews before he finally obtained this document – a kind of passport – and he could legally identify himself in the Netherlands. This came as wonderful news, because Ayoub started to get the feeling that he wanted to build his life in the Netherlands, specifically in Leiden.

It came as a shock to Ayoub that he was rejected for a permit to stay in the Netherlands after his first big interview. Aside from having built up a group of close friends, Ayoub was in a relationship with Renée, and had found his way in the city. All of a sudden, he had to leave Leiden and move to a refugee centre in Harderwijk, after which it quickly became clear he would be sent back to Afghanistan. “But I can’t go back to Afghanistan, I came here in the first place because that country is dangerous for me.” Out of necessity, Ayoub decided to leave the refugee centre in Harderwijk, with the help of Renée, and stay in the Netherlands illegally.

Back in Leiden, Ayoub wound up in a shelter called Bed Bad Brood. For a period of time, Ayoub felt incredibly unhappy there, because it was horrible to have to stay under the radar and be refused his right to go wherever he wanted. It became worse when Renée turned out to be pregnant with Kees. After Renée gave birth to the child nine months later, Ayoub could not be registered as the father. There was no record of him being the father. After that, they did everything they could to arrange a second interview for Ayoub. They managed to do so eventually and even got a new lawyer, but to no avail: “At that interview I just felt I wasn’t sitting in front of a person, but in front of a system.” For the second time he was rejected. “After the second interview, I didn’t desire anything anymore: I couldn’t stay in the Netherlands, but now I didn’t want to go back to Afghanistan either, because I had Renée and my son here, my life. I wanted to stay here, but that was not an option. I just wanted to be the father of my son. I felt so sad, at that point, I didn’t want to live any longer.” After five days, Ayoub and Renée received some news, this time positive: Ayoub was in fact allowed to stay in the Netherlands. “I was in shock for hours on end. That same evening, I held my child. Of course I had done this before, but never before with this feeling: I have the right to hold my son. Now I felt that I was a father.” That right is reaffirmed by the document he received then.